I’ve been reading a lot of fiction lately and in my quest to read more than my goal of 10 books, I came across an amazing book by first time author Gail Honeyman. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine is a story about a quirky and lonely 30 something who keeps the world at bay to protect herself from being hurt by people around her. After experiencing intense trauma as a child, Eleanor builds a highly habitual and closed off life where she drowns her feelings in wine and vodka on the weekends.
At first Eleanor appears to be emotionally stunted and her frank assessment of people and life itself is off-putting but as you get to know her more you come to appreciate her honesty and her ‘I don’t care what other people think about me” attitude.
I read online that the author was inspired to write about loneliness after reading a story about a woman who went home on Friday evenings after work and didn’t talk to anyone until she went back to work on Monday.s Eleanor, the main character, very much follows this formula. We often associate loneliness with older folks who have no family or support system or the odd individual who choses to live a lonely life, but loneliness affects many of us – whether we live in bustling cities or in quiet suburbs. Especially, in this day and age when being social and connecting with those around us happens in the digital world, it’s easy to forget that we need to interact with people in person. Liking an Instagram photo or re-tweeting someone’s tweet doesn’t count.
As I’ve written before I know what loneliness is like. I experienced it when I lived in Columbus, Ohio and Atlanta. I can relate to spending weekends alone not talking to anyone while spending my days cleaning my apartment and counting that as being productive. It wasn’t until I took steps to meet new people, engage in activities where I could connect with the world again that I started to feel better.
What I love most about this book is that this story is not about romance and a boy saving a girl but it’s about friendship. It’s about how showing care and concern about someone else goes a long way in healing and making someone feel like they matter in this world. Eleanor and Raymond happen to save an old man who faints on the street and thus begins an adventure that helps Eleanor break down the walls she’s built around herself and open herself up to people around her.
When we think about love we often associate it with romance, with drama with being epic. But we less often think of it in the lens of friendship, in platonic terms or associate it with small acts that have a big impact on someone’s life. As a tea obsessed person the smallest act of making tea for me on weekend morning goes a long way to making me happy! (Remember loved ones for the future!)
I especially remember small acts that my friends have made in the past such as visiting me while I was interning because I didn’t know anyone in the city and was having a terrible summer or driving to a job interview (you know who you are! – you go friends!). I try to do the same for my friends and family as well because showing up for them (on a consistent basis) is what matters. That’s exactly what Raymon did in Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine and it saved a life.
Many of us are afflicted by loneliness and end up in a vicious cycle where we exacerbate the problem by building walls around us. But we have to precisely do the opposite and engage in the world, in people to pull ourselves out.
Now onto my second soapbox point —- get a life, get a library card because you can borrow books – yes I’m old school and like to read physical books – and come across books such as Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman.