I just finished watching season 2 of The Handmaid’s Tale and it was even creepier than the first. One of my favorite scenes is in S2 Episode 7 when the Handmaid’s share their real names while doing their grocery shopping. In Gilead, Handmaids are stripped of their names and are given the name of the commander they belong to. Therefore, saying their real name especially in public is not only an act of defiance but its a small way in which the women take back some of the power and respect they’ve lost in this new world.
We take our names, either the one given at birth or one that we give ourselves (remember Chad Ochocinco) for granted but our names speak volumes. Names are one way we define ourselves. When we introduce ourselves do we say, “Hi, I’m a 5ft 8in female with brown eyes?” I hope not. We say “Hello, I’m Nikita.” Or Sophie Smith or Dave Supercool or Raj Awesome.”
And when the other person actually remembers your name, there’s a certain jolt of happiness that passes within. Remembering someone’s name signifies that yes this person matters. I do my best to remember others’ name and to show them the same respect that I demand.
Long story short — names matter. And therefore, I chose not to change my name after marriage. For 29 years Nikita T12346 was (still is) my name and and a primary component of my identity. (Side note: for the sake of my privacy I’m not revealing my last name. My reader base consists of friends and family so you know who I really am.) I am also a strong believer in equality and fairness so to me it doesn’t make sense that the woman has to change her name and thus identity after marriage while the man continues with his existence.
In the English and subsequently American traditions, women did not have an independent legal identity apart from first their father’s and then their spouse’s. Therefore, a woman’s last name was automatically changed upon marriage. It wasn’t until the 19070’s that the U.S. Supreme Court finally ruled that women did not have to assume the last name of their husbands. Similarly, in Indian culture women adopt their husbands last name to signify that they now belong to a new family. This tradition has existed for centuries so why bother fighting against the deep rooted patriarchy? What’s scary is that in the Marathi tradition husbands also changed the first names of their wives. Women literally got a whole new identity after marriage.
Many argue that changing the women’s last name makes it easier when you have kids. Everyone is part of the same family and people are less likely to question whether you’re the real mom. And there’s less confusion in a legal sense. But why should the burden fall on the wife to change her name?
On the other hand, the cumbersome process of changing your name on your passport, social security card, credit card, driver’s license and these days on social media is a primary reason why many women decide to keep their birth names. While this argument is valid, it is one of convenience.
I strongly believe that your birth name or the one that you choose to call yourself is an essential component of your identity. Marriage nor tradition should dictate that a woman to change her name. My argument is one of identity, equality, and fairness.
P.S. A few more articles on this topic that articulates the argument coherently.
- https://seattlebridemag.com/expert-wedding-advice/history-behind-maiden-vs-married-names
- https://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-so-many-women-still-take-their-husbands-last-name-2017-11-30
- https://www.huffingtonpost.in/vrushali-j/5-reasons-why-women-chang_b_6977228.html