Meditation is all the rage these days. In these stressful and anxious times many mental health experts and wanna be experts (ahem…that’s me) prescribe meditation as a way to calm the mind down and focus on the present. I’ve written about practicing meditation as a way for me to learn to live in the present and stop thoughts from taking over my mind.
But does meditation really work? Or is it just a buzz word infiltrating our psyche?
I too was skeptical when I first started meditating. I expected results right away. The way meditation is prescribed these days it’s almost as if you’re being asked to take Tylenol or Nyquil to treat an illness that’s sure to go away within a few days. Alas, this is not the case. Being mentally strong and resilient takes years to train the mind. After practicing meditation and mindfulness for over 6 months I can say with certainty that I’ve noticed positive changes in the way I think and deal with unexpected events.
Here’s what I have learned so far from meditation and mindfulness.
You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction.
Few weeks ago I got into a small fender bender while leaving for work (I’m clearly not an extra driver for Fast and the Furious movies :(. Thankfully there was no damage done to any car or person but this little incident made me upset and late for work. In the past I would’ve let my emotions amok and ruminated on the incident spoiling the rest of the day. But as I drove to work, I told myself over and over that the fender bender happened, no one got hurt and that I wasn’t going to let this one thing ruin the rest of the day.
This seems simple, how many times have we said to ourselves, “today’s not my day” when unplanned events that ruin our day happen? It’s important not to let one mishap dictate how the rest of the day turns out or cause damage to ourselves. Because ultimately by focusing on the negative we’re causing harm to ourselves. We can turn things around by not letting our emotions rule and by changing our perspective on the day itself.
Thoughts are not reality nor do they dictate how the future will turn out.
In the last few months (actually in the last 2 years) my thoughts have turned pretty negative. My friends have noticed this too and my mom constantly asks me if I’m happy. Meditation enforces the concept that you cannot stop thoughts from entering your mind but what you can do is to acknowledge a thought when they appear in the mind and Let It Go. It’s because we give attention to thoughts, they cause us pain.
This doesn’t mean we block all our thoughts. What this means is that the negative thoughts that fester in our mind are just that – thoughts. It is our reaction to these thoughts or the action that we take based on these thoughts that become reality. So if you want to change the outcome of a negative thought then don’t give that thought more prominence than it deserves.
Again, this is easier said than done and requires years of practice. But at least now I have a way to deal with the negative thoughts instead of giving them control of my mind and leading to even more anxiety inducing thoughts.
It’s all about having the right mindset.
Life is not easy. And as much as we try and control life, life has a mind of its own. Whether you believe in destiny or not, what is meant to happen will happen. It’s our perspective on what happens and what you want to happen that dictates whether you feel happy and continue to strive to do better, to make the changes that you want.
I learned (and continue to learn) this lesson the hard way. Business school and life after school did not turn out as I expected it to turn out. Or rather how I wanted it to turn out. I did not deal with that well. I felt lost and sad. I lost confidence and started doubting myself.
It was only after I realized that wallowing in my sadness was not going to change my situation and that while there were aspects of my life that were not going well, there were ones that were. I had to take advantage of what was in front of me and be appreciate of what I did have. Because that also might not exist tomorrow. And of course work towards changing those aspects of my life that I wanted changed.
Had I not worked on changing my mindset I would not have made new friends in Atlanta or joined a Tennis team (I miss playing Tennis) or even started this blog.
It was through seeing my life through a different lens while also realizing that things will not always turn out the way I want them to, gave me some peace of mind. I also stopped being so critical of myself.
So as you can see in the short time that I have been practicing meditation and mindfulness, both have enabled me to be a little bit more positive and to control my reactions.
But meditation does take practice and training the mind is a lifelong journey.
