Why are the late 20s/early 30s such sucky years?

For most of my friends, myself included, life right now sucks. We’re all dealing with anxiety, stress, and some even depression. And many would call us spring chickens we’re in our late 20s/early 30s. In the prime of our lives. Why are we all having such a difficult time with life right now? Why does it feel like we don’t have control over life? What is it about being this age that causes discomfort and uneasiness? Life feels like a confused pressure cooker right now ready for the lid to burst at any moment.

I don’t have answers to these questions. If anyone out there does, please contact me. You will be our hero.

On paper things look great. We’ve finished our formal education – some of us have even gone back to school to get higher degrees, held several jobs, traveled, and moved around. More generally lived a little. Life pretty much followed a clear path and we were able to travel on this path on autopilot. We fulfilled what was expected of us and what we expected from ourselves. Life was simple and straightforward.

But after all these years it feels like something is missing. A void is starting to exist internally and the feeling of not being content or satisfied with life is growing. Operating on autopilot doesn’t cut it anymore leading to self-reflection, questioning who we are and what really matters to us – not what we think matters based on societal or cultural expectations, and understanding why we’re feeling so gloomy about life.

Here are the areas in which I find us spring chickens struggling right now:

1. Settling down. There is immense pressure to be in a stable relationship and to take the next (logical according to societal norms) step in life – marriage and kids. Finding a good partner has become more challenging with the existence of all the dating apps that have commoditized dating. Finding a partner to commit or one whose on the same page and phase in life are the two biggest complaints I hear from my friends.
2. Finding a career path that you love. I remember how excited I was to start my first job and get a real paycheck. Now with more experience and being older (compared to my do-eyed 21 year old) there is pressure to find the perfect job. Not only that but to have this job/career align with your purpose – whatever that is, make the big bucks, and be a rockstar at work. Yep a lot of pressure to have a perfect job.
3. Understanding what makes us happy. What does happy look like? How can we find happiness in both our professional and personal lives? This question of happiness and what leads to happiness is one that I and my peers are thinking about quite a bit. And the messaging that we get from a consumerist society and by comparing ourselves constantly to others sends the wrong signals to our brains that is difficult to alter.
4. Discovering Who Am I and What Are My Values? We’ve been conditioned and influenced by our culture, parents, society, peers for over two decades that now its time to self reflect and examine our core. At least this is what I am doing. It’s not easy to break free from expectations and ingrained thinking. My current battle is changing my negative thinking, not letting fear of change paralyze me from moving forward, and not benchmarking my life and values based on others. Herculean tasks!
5. Mental health. The focus on health has always been on physical health. Maintaining a healthy weight and working out have been the mantra but being physically healthy is not the only important factor. Mental health needs to become a focus, a bigger focus in my eyes and I find many of my peers including myself struggling with anxiety, stress, and depression. We’re realizing how important it is to take time out of your day to recharge and to live in the present. Meditate. Meditate. Meditate. And being from a culture where talking about mental health is a taboo itself makes it that much harder to have real conversations of the struggles in life and get help if needed.

I do hope that this tumultuous phase in life will pass (hopefully soon). I mean it has to right – every year we get a year older and wiser. While going through these struggles is painful, I really do believe its necessary to go through these struggles to come out stronger and more self confident. Without being knocked down, how can we get up? This is a lesson I’m learning.