One of my friends made an interesting comment the other day. She said that “You have it all figured out in life. You know what you want career wise and have taken the steps to make that happen. You have interesting experiences and take risks – i.e. moving to a new city without knowing anyone. You travel and put yourself out there. From where I stand, Nikita you have your life figured out.”
I found this comment very interesting because while all of this is true (and for which I should be grateful for) the way other people perceive me at times is very different than the way I see myself. These two perceptions can be on opposite ends of the spectrum. While my friend sees everything that I have achieved and done as a success story, I often view it as a failure or work in progress in many regards. To me that is not good enough. People on the outside do not see the doubt and anxiety that plagues my mind. As I re read what I have just written, I realize how harshly I judge myself. I bet there are many people who feel the same way as I do.
This conversation made me realize two things 1) we take for granted all that we have achieved and accomplished and 2) who people are on the outside and the image that they project of themselves is not always reflective of who they are or how they feel on the inside.
Just look at the carefully curated social media posts and photos. People either post only the happy events or the sad ones to elicit sympathy. Looking at people’s social media profiles only tells one story and while you may know that there is another side to this story, we rarely take the time to discover this other side. It takes too much effort. And we are too busy designing our outside lives.
One solve for the first realization is what I’ve written about before – being grateful. And making a conscious effort to recount all the things we have gratitude for is important.
A solve for the second realization for me is a work in progress and for which I do not have a solution. After realizing how much I was comparing my life to others and having the “grass is greener on the other side” mentality, I deactivated my Facebook. Surprisingly, I have not missed Facebook at all. Contrary to what people think, I don’t feel out of the loop or like I am missing out. And all the outside noise that was influencing my mind has reduced, which has been a positive force for my mental health.
However, I believe the true solve for being a consistent person on the outside and inside is being at peace with yourself. Being happy and content with life. Having a positive outlook. Feeling connected to people and the community around us without feeling the need to please or keep up with those around us. These things are much harder to achieve and easier to be swept aside.
My hope is that through self-awareness and through the various tactics I am now trying out, I slowly build a version of myself that is whole. Once where my external self is aligned with my internal self. So when someone says to me, “you have life figured out,” I can say with confidence “Yes, I do.”
